How funny is that! Courage. A lot of people have said I am ridiculously courageous. I don’t feel that way, it is just the course of LIFE for me. I do what you HAVE to do, the only way I see is forward…even when my heart got stuck behind me I still kept moving forward, even when it was wading through sludge so high I needed a log tube to breathe from. Glug. At the same time… I have let Fear loom high and large. It has driven SO much of my life, including into those places people see as “Courageous”. I realize that’s kind of the point. Courage in the FACE of Fear, but it just seems like it is the ONLY way.
Fear, Anger, Guilt, Hurt, feelings, Unworthiness
It’s BEAUTIFUL! I really understand the powers of substitution and generally have applied all 7 laws of thinking but this last webinar has given me the TRUTH! The TRUTH that was nagging at the back of my mind. The TRUTH that kept me saying….WHY was I so REACTIVE?!?!?! OMG!
Because I cared so much.
I couldn’t understand for the LIFE of me, why the hell, why the FUCK…PLEASE, please forgive my language, but it was leaving my stupefied. Utterly stupefied why I kept behaving the way I had. Gaslighting had a lot to do with it. Triggers that came from devastating traumas. Traumas that people I have sparingly shared with are shocked I survived.
I kept beating myself up for it. This confusion. wow. Thank you Mark and Devine. You keep bringing together, after letting us suffer a while in our old patterns, struggling with, these seemingly innocent exercises, to meet ourselves FULL ON! At least, that has been MY experience.
I know it is not the MKMM program alone, but it has been a massive CATALYST for my drawing lots more information, practices, meditations, and breath-work to stimulate my HEALING! A CATALYST for me to aWAKEN myself.
BLESS YOU!!! and BLESS you, my FAMILY of fellow Masterminds!
I am starting to FEEL breakthroughs all OVER the place!
And…STILL there’s so much MORE!
Getting back to the darned FEAR… see, I can say it a bit more PC….again, sorry if I offended anyone, but I have been so deep, so low, I felt of the edge 3 times in the last 2 years, lost, confused. I didn’t know if I could make it back again. But now I know I have a strong spirit and even though my flame was soggy and the fuel nearly spent, it still burned. It burned till I was able to open up space to drain the swamp of my feelings. Open up space to air it out. It feels nearly dry now. The flame is stronger. Now I’m foraging for fuel.
NOW I SEE…I can USE my FEAR…I see even though I felt fragile that I used the fear to start a small drip, cracked a leak on the swamp and it’s been leaking the vile liquor away to be washed in the Ocean of my Conscious mind because my SUBconscious mind is CLEARING. I am attaching happier stronger more positive meaning to thoughts that arise. I am deTACHing from old worn painful feelings, substituting and letting them go.
It’s been so incredibly inspiring to read other people’s struggles. To know that we are ALL struggling and learning to put the struggle ASIDE! Isn’t that an incredible FEELING!?!?!
I have so much work to do. I have HAD so much work to do, but it was left undone, laying to waste as I struggled to breathe again. To ALLOW myself to breathe. I’ve pulled myself out of a huge Quagmire and feeling my lungs, my limbs my LIFE of POSSIBILITIES again.
NOW I SEE that I can USE my fear. All the Five. Each of them carries so much energy. That was the crazy thing. I SAW myself wasting SO much ENERGY. It pained me MORE. But that was just beating me up. Froze me. Buried me. Deeper.
The layers have lifted.
I feel blessed. I know I am. I am GRATEFUL.
I gave $25 to a little woman in Trader Joe’s yesterday. First it was $5 and a bag of dried cherries I saw her stare longingly at. She was so overcome she revealed she comes all the way from Queens to save some money and the $1.25 for a bag of cranberries was almost too much for her budget but it was a treat for her. All by herself on the subway. As turned away, I looked in my wallet and found I had a twenty left. I gave it to her with a hug and a kiss and made her promise to treat herself as much as get what she needs, then went to check out. After I left the store, I wrote my name and number on a card and came in to give it to her. She actually said she saw me in line and was going to go buy ME FLOWERS!!! OMG!!! I kissed her and said her taking care of herself was “flowers” enough She promised she would keep in touch. I hope she does. I feel like I have a gramma again.
I have come from feeling like I didn’t know where I would get my rent food or LIFE, to now. Maybe not a lot more yet, but enough to share with this beautiful little woman, who’s just trying SO hard to just feel human.