It’s funny, week by week, I have encountered resistances, and some weeks they loom large and interfere with everything. Then the interference recedes. I can see, that slowly the reconditioning (or conditioning, depending upon how you look at it) is taking place. I also recognize – which is half the battle, the recognition, re-cognition, which feels like the conscious part of the transformational process – that if I had been able to apply myself more consistently all along these many weeks, I would be enjoying a higher sense of accomplishment right now. But that’s ok.
It’s ok, because through this process I am gaining more momentum. Momentum to trust myself. Trust that I have got my OWN back! And, as it turns out, I am calling into my life other people who, collectively, have my back too. I am finding my Tribe, my Community, My Family. It’s taken me a good long while to heal. The more superficial lacerations gave way to deeper wounds that are really starting to fade. I feel my mental and emotional body stabilize. This program has been nothing short of miraculous for me.
Despite my slow movement, I have remained committed. To my self. Yes, I have wavered. Yes, I could have done better. But as Scroll V suggests, I must not relive the errors of the past, even if the errors were only a moment ago. I need to RECOGNIZE them, so I can use the information they contain, and be Present.
In this Present, the re-cognition is that I felt hurt. I felt wounded. I needed time to heal. And in this time of healing, the gift of awareness was given and a METHOD for me to tie the awarenesses together was given.
Every day, I feel grateful to the woman who shared this with me Kal Atwal. She is a BRILLIANT woman, and a force of nature! Any of you out there that have to good fortune to connect with her know what I mean! And because of her sharing I have opened myself up to the gifts of Mark Cameron, my Brilliant Mastermind partner, and Luc Griffith, my Guide. I feel truly grateful for their presence in my life. They have been an impeccable mirror for me to see and connect with myself and in so doing, allowed me to see THEM. I look forward EVERY week to connecting with them and the rest of my group!!! At first, I felt really reluctant, because I felt so imperfect. I felt lesser. But tThey have shared their own vulnerabilities and I saw the unessesary expediture of energy I was creating. Together I feel we have grown.
The cool thing is that I have also brought my sister in. It’s given us another platform to grow with each other. Share our processes and our lives. For that I am grateful as well.
For a while I was afraid of the growth. No, really terrified. I have been so afraid to step back into the world at large for fear of more unbearable pain. And THANK THE UNIVERSE for Mark and Davine for tying together all the elements in such a varied way, to annoy, tease, and provoke all these resistances we have, so we can learn to rout them out! I watch and re-watch videos of their talks presentations over and over again. Every time I see a nugget I missed!
I have been fascinated to really become an observer in my life. I have sought this, I can see, for a very long time. That I have “watched myself spin and weave stories of discomfort, lack of control (and clinging tightly to control), without really understanding how to take charge of it. These tools of awareness are EVERYthing!!!
This last week was especially a challenge because there was a Polar Vortex that blasted through, and I got terribly sick, then my internet modem failed. Thank GOD for my phone…till I had a problem with THAT!!! How about THAT for universal energy responding to my temporary slip back into my old Blueprint! It just makes me shake my head and laugh at myself, now that I grabbed my mind and started detaching the feelings that were arising.
I will live THIS day, as if it were my last!
I knew this intuitively since as far back as I could remember, but now the message is arriving. I LOVE myself! I am MEETING the girl in the mirror for REAL. And I really like her. Partly because she is not “perfect”. And…she IS Perfect! She is, I AM, Unique!!!
I have worked my whole life to teach OTHERS this knowledge, and it’s all been to teach myself.
Every day, I feel like I go through a rebirth. I have always Identified with the conceptualization of a Phoenix! The fire really needed to be a hot one for me to burn away all the accumulated grime of my mind! Nothing short of an inferno!!!
The Phoenix is rising out of the ashes, looking around and surveying. Slowly I fan the flames of my desires, they were so hidden. They are lifting out of the wreckage of my old mind. The ashes and clutter slipping away.
Thank you , thank you Universe, for the gift of my Life!
Blessings to all who share this journey with me!!!
I am looking forward. Pulling in the elements, weaving the Tapestry tighter.
The Makeover continues…